I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do vagina's smell?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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