So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I supernannyed him into submission
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
