just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
