someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
