I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
