I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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