she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
