Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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