I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
