dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
zippers are such a cool invention
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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