Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
