Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
