I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
