I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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