We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
