and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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