God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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