My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize