also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
is that a dick in a sweater?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
