One girl and one boy is just not enough.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
These tits shall not be calmed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
