The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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