ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
