I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize