dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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