Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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