This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize