dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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