Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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