I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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