he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
