pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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