Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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