I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
