Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
