note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
