I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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