I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
