Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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