He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
