I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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