Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Non-Jews are for practice
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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