i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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