the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
