I looked at my own cervix.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
