its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
