Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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