Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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