Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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