96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
