so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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