i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
