My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize