i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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