why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
