I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize