Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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