He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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