i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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