hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
