she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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