this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
