***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
