Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
