You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
