oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
