if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize