I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
