sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize