I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
